Just a Few Drinks
by guiltshow
Summary: Hinata gets drunk. Its Kiba's fault. Hope you enjoy. Chapter One:Drunk HyuugaChapter Two:Shino is Smited!Chapter Three:Shikamaru the Fondler and Others Chapter Four:The Attack on the Pink Haired Whore Chapter 5:Good Ole Drinking.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**:Own not do I.

Oneshot - KibaxHina

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They had made it back from a mission, silently thanking the gods that they had luck yet again...and the fact that they had Shino.

Shino was the master-mind to all their missions, and although they were in their twenties, they always wound up together instead of being in different groups.

Tsunade said it was because they worked so well together.

Kiba said it was because she was too lazy to think about anything else but gambling. Which earned him a thwack on the head and a giggle from Hinata.

That made it all the worth while. Kiba, believe or not, was maturing. He was afraid, though, that he would loose all his humour. So he remained child-like when it wasn't important...all for the sake of Hinata and that smile of her's.

Sometimes, people couldn't tell if she was smiling, but Kiba could by just looking at her eyes. They showed all the emotions in the world, and when he told Shino that, he just got a blank stare.

Shino said that her eyes were blank, but Kiba wasn't listening. Oh no. He pretended not to hear, although having dog attributes meant you had good hearing.

Kiba knew Hinata like a book. After all, they were childhood friends.

On this night, he knew Hinata felt down because she had gotten them in a life or death situation. But, as always, Kiba grinned sheepishly and shook his head.

"Nah, don't think that Hinata. I was being a dumb ass anyway." He grinned as he shot the bug man a look for nodding fervently. "Anyways, how about we go get a drink - my treat?" He nudged Hinata lightly with his elbow, wiggling his eyebrows.

Score! A laugh. That was one point for Kiba, and no points for...well anyone else.

"I-I-I guess I could get a drink." She said, mumbling her words, yet an advantage to being a dog. Shino shook his head.

"Eh, I better be going. I have to prepare for the next mission." Shino said in his same monotone voice.

They waved good-bye and parted their seperate ways. Kiba began to ramble on as they went to the bar. Hinata's smile grew with every word that came out of his mouth, and she even made a few jokes herself. It was good. Life was good.

Hinata looked good. At least, thats what Kiba thought. Only to himself, though. If he ever tried to make a move on Hinata, it would mean that he was a rapist. That was the only thing that came to mind.

She was too innocent. He'd just have to wait. And waiting was something that was hard for a loud guy, like himself.

When they entered the bar, they sat at their usual spot. Usually Hinata would get water and Kiba would get sake. Tonight, however, he convinced her that it was time to grow up and let her have a drink.

So she had...a few. By the time they were done, Hinata had a small blush on her face and Kiba was quite sober. He grinned at her, as she giggled lightly.

"Okaaaay. So, Kibaaaa. I just know, I'm sooo obvious. Riiiight?" She giggled, as she took another drink. When Kiba responded with a 'How so, Hinata? Do go on.', her words came more slurred out. "I'm in luuurve with Naruuuuuuuuuto." She cracked up at this, silently laughing. "But, but, but - Kiba, he likes that filthy, pink haired whore, Saukarna, or whatever her name is...Sooo I was thinkin' well, I shooould give up on angsty men...Seriously! I mean Naruto had some...dark...dreaded past. Its so drama, drama, drama. I need someone...who is dependable. Whoooooo, " She broke off with a laugh. "Is quite good-looking...and has a nice butt." She laughed so hard that he had to take her outside laughing as well.

"Well, Hinata, if you do find someone, matching that description, tell me." He smiled, picking her up in a piggy back ride. She rambled on and on about the new guy she was in love with. Apparently, he was stupid but loyal and he had nice assets. Kiba, not paying attention to her much, just trying to get her home without anyone knowing.

If Papa Hyuuga knew about this, he would be killed. No, castrated. Yep. Stealth it was.

He got into her room, a place he knew how to sneak in and out of very well. Putting her in her bed, he tucked her in and kissed her forehead goodnight.

He had to get a reward for this. He just had too. Grinning down at her, he put a finger to his lips to calm her down from her rants on corn and toenails. She smiled, and nodded. It was like they had a secret. She asked him to stay a bit longer, and how could he refuse?

They laid on her bed, the blanket shielding him from her as they whispered to each other. He looked over at her and found her almost asleep. Getting up, he made his way to the window, when he heard her say good night. As he reached for the window, he looked over his shoulder and found her mumbling in herself.

"Kiba...I love you." She said in her sleep.

Kiba grinned. He racked up the points tonight.

He knew that she probably meant that in a brotherly sort of way and vowed never to get her drunk again.

However, this didn't deny the fact that when he got home, he checked out his butt in the mirror.

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AN-Cheesy, I know. I just wanted to write it, because I had to get it out of my system.

R&R por favor.

I hope Hinata was only OOC when she was drunk. ;D


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: Shino Is Smited**

A/N-I was so inspired bythe reviews that I decided to write another chapter. -evil laughter- Its in Shino's prov.

Disclaimer - Yadayada. I don't own. Not yet.

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Jesus. I swear, that idiot has been downing every drink that comes within his grasp. It's so disgusting, it makes my skin shiver . . . yet it is quite amusing.

Kiba's a hard drinker. The more he drank, the more he thought he was a man. In reality, it just made him more annoying than he already was.

And for the sweet love of all things right, why couldn't Kiba have graced his presence with someone else. I know I have the stamp of 'Kiba's Best Friend' marked right on my forehead, but I didn't choose it.

I would have like Shikamaru . . . _NOT _like that. Ugh. It's just, as great and as loyal and as compassionate Kiba was, he was still a blundering asshole.

So, we are sitting there, facing across from each other. It was just like every night after Kiba was legally allowed to drink. And tonight, it was that he was a puppy.

In my little world of sadism, I encounter Kiba in many forms or stages. I can sigh to myself and say - 'Oh, here he goes acting like a .'

Shino's Book of Kiba

_In the wild kingdom, a Kiba roams free to do as he pleases. Whether it is peeing on trees or beating the crap out of innocent drunkards like himself - Kiba was free to roam the wild from sunset to sunrise on weekends. _

I thought of doing a documentary on this, making millions, but I realized that selling out Kiba was useless . . . until I had all the info I needed.

Like I mentioned, the many stages on Kiba. I will define and give an example of the following: puppy, dog, bitch, rapid squirrel.

Today, Kiba was a puppy(innocent/nemine under the influence), where he would sling his arm around me, and tell me how beautiful the world is.

'Shinnoooooo-kun, don't you think the world is a big ball to be played with? Its like, all this fighting, man, it's so not nice. If mother nature fought back, the O-Zone layer would have left us like my mom left my father. It's all goooooood though. I mean, here I am with you, the crazy, bug-fettished man I have come to know and love. And then . . . there is her -' I interrupt to say, Kiba does not love me like that, geez. And, I warn you . . . I sit here hearing the same crappy romance he has between and Hinata, and some how it ends up in tears. I will let him continue. 'Ah. Hinata-chan. I knew her well. Naruto a man of infinite jest, stole her right under my nose. Kiba...I mean Shino-kun...Do you think she will ever...love me?' He choked and stared at me. I shrunk back in my seat, pretending not to be there. 'Hinataaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-chan. My heart will not go on. My love for you will not die. YOU HEAR ME?' And then he slams his head on the table, crying.

Yesterday, it was hilarious. But I forgot I can't laugh...it was funny though.

Yesterday, Kiba was a bitch(a annoying, pissed off pregnant woman), and I will leave it to the example.

'Shino...MmmHmm. That's right. I told him that he beta' not have been messin' with her, or I would bust a cap in his as. And then he was like all 'What the hell?' And I told him, tcha, this is what I told him. I told him that beta not mess with me. Girlfriend - let me tell you how WHITE he looked. It was freakin' hilaaarous. And you know what, no matta' how fly Hinata-honey is, she could frankly give me a rats ass and I would be okay. Mmhmm...' I stop to say, yes. Amusing. Especially when he shakes his head or snaps his fingers. But then there could be this version of bitch. I call it Bitch 1.0.

'Shino, like OH MY GOD. Did you see what Ino was wearing today? Can you say attention whore? AHAHA. It made her butt look sooo big. Like, it was like...like...funny and shit. But like oh my gosh, I was like brb to Kurenai, and I gave her the hand. I said, whatever to her, and you know what she did. She bitch-slapped me. And I was like Oh my gosh. And she was like oh my gosh. And oh my gosh, did you see Hinata. She looked soooo cute today. I told her we needed to exchange numbers and she looked at me funny. But, its like so stupid, cuz like, Naruto, what a dork, like could try to eat the entire village and she would be like 'Aw, how cute.' How stupid.'

I'm still trying to see what version I like better. It will be hard, but I will manage to choose.

Next is dog(_horndog_), I warn you though - this only has happened when a full moon is out and he drinks a lot.

'Shino, Jesus I just want to BLEEPBLEEP her in the BLEEPBLEEP. God. How BLEEP BLEEP would that be? I mean...BLEEP. It would be hot. She is so BLEEP fine. Its hard to keep my BEEP off her. She know she wants this BEEP.' I will stop here, because it doesn't get any better. Although sometimes when we walk out, he's mellowed out and starts to sing.

"I want sex. I want sex. I want sex, hey, hey, hey. You want sex. I want sex. Lets go sex hey, hey, hey."

And so on and so forth.

I did say it was amusing though.

And finally, this last, new edition was when Kiba had snorted crack and then snorted beer.

'Heyheyhey, Shino! Shino! You wanna go play catch! Do ya? Do ya? Do ya? Lets go play! Yeah. Yeah! Yeah. You will throw the ball, won't ya? You will? You will? Come on, lets go Shino. Yes. Shino! Go! Get! I want the ball! Throw it! Throw it! Fucking throw it! Yeah!' Sometimes, I don't throw it, but pretend to, but he's too high to notice. He'll come back to me with a ball that looks exactly like it, and I won't get it. 'Look! Look Shino! Look at the purty lights! Look! Look, they look like Hinata. Hinata! Hinata! Where are you? Won't you come play fetch with me? Won't you? I promise you I'll be a good boy! I do! I do! I won't look in your draws anymore! Lets play Hinata! Scratch behind my ears, Hinata! You know I like it! You said...it was cute...Aw. Hey, Shino. Where'd Hinata go to?' Of course, she wasn't there to begin with and he was talking to a tree, but I tell him that she went to bed. He'll look all sad but when I throw both balls, its like its magic and he goes to retrieve.

I know, how cruel. But the guy has got to know that Hinata will never be interested in him. She likes Naruto, Naruto likes Sakura, Sakura likes Sasuke and Sasuke likes his brother.

It's the way the cookie crumbles.

I feel bad, and I try not to encourage him. After all, isn't that what friends do?

None-the-less, it pains me to see Kiba check his butt out after ever drink on our way home. When I tell him that he will never be able to get his tail, he just laughs like he isn't going to get the Hang-Over-From-Hell tomorrow and just smile. He tells me something that surprises me.

'I'm not checking it out for myself, Shino, I'm checking it out so Hinata can check it out without guilt.'

Its confusing to live in this shit-hole Konoha. Not matter how great the ninjas are, they are all on crack.

Except for me. I plan to sell that crack, and then sell the book and take myself away from this hell-hole.

Then I can make eyeliner for Gaara...

Okay, maybe I've had too many drinks myself.

But its not me who just ran into a pole.

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A/N-Again, needed to be occness. I tried to make it have some coherent sense, sorry if you are just like - WTF, mate?

R&R, I live off of your reviews.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Shikamaru the Fondler and The Others

A/N - I'm so glad about all the reviews. It makes me happy. So I'm writing chapter 3; it has to deal with Shikamaru...and some others. I'm writing this as I go.

**Disclaimer:I'm sorry I don't own Naruto. If I did...well, it would be sweet.**

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Ah. Konoha. The wonderful ninja village. Many people who pass through, during the day, see elite ninjas off to go stop evil plots and rescuing kitties from trees. It was such a nice village, full of wonderful, clean ninjas...Little did they know of the odd, but amusing escapade of the alcoholic ninjas.

They really meant no harm to each other...except Rock Lee. He wanted to hurt anyone with his drunken Springtime of Youth.

But other than Lee, they were peaceful. At first it was only the older ninjas that drank, but when they thought about it...they thought it was only fair for the kids to experience it.

Now, like Kiba had his many emotions that were pent up inside of him, some ninjas have different...urges built up in them

This is why I, Chouji, am going to make a video, because I have nothing better to do. First,we will start with my best friend, forgive me Shikamaru.

Now, at first, Shikamaru thought that alcohol was troublesome, but one day he had a sip. And then he had a glass. Although he acted the same, we thought he was actually normal...until Sakura walked by.

Before he knew it, he felt his fingers tingle. He looked blank as a odd smile grew on his face. Needless to say, his hands had a mind of their own and he grabbed Sakura's bum.

_SLAP_

A red mark on his face as he spit out a 'It was worth it.'

Clearly, Shikamaru knew never to drink again...until he thought he had gotten over it. He had only one drink and he had that timeless expression.

First it was Sakura and now it was TenTen -

_SLAP_

Then Hinata-

who blushed and then fainted. Unfortunately, Kiba was there.

_**BAM**_

Then there was Ino,

_SLAP_

And then there was Temari, who had come to see the Hokage on behalf of Gaara, and to keep this PG-13, I will let your mind run wild.

So Shikamaru got lucky...I guess his mind had some strategy.

Shikamaru was the fondler.

But what about Naruto?

Ha! HA! That's funny.

Needless to say, Naruto loves bunnies.

'I LOVE BUNNAYS!"

He hopped around, like a bunny and had more drinks...it didn't get any better.

"Bunny, bunny - BUNNAYS!"

He hopped onto the lap of Sasuke, who was drunk.

Sasuke just rolled his eyes.

"Ugh, Naruto. Your heavy breathing is ruining my eyeliner..." He said with angst. Naruto hopped off him, and Sakura and Ino looked at him, eyes full of tears.

"What's wrong, Sasuke-kuuuuun?" They squealed.

"Ugh...my life is so dark. It's a dark abyss, grabbing my soul and bringing it down with me. My family, they don't understand me...its not fair that I can't kiss Naruto without being called gay. Just if we make-out a few times...it doesn't mean I'm a fruit loop...my life is so dark." He sighed, as he downed another drink; angst was pouring out of his pores.

Ino and Sakura just clung to him. "Oooo. Sasuke. Its okay. We understand you. We will be your light, you don't have to be in the dark."

I don't get it. Just like I don't get it when you see Naruto and Sasuke kiss.

It sure does get the girls excited...maybe I should as Shikamaru to do it.

Shino had an evil look in his eye...sunglasses as he kept writing and laughing manically to himself.

Neji just sorta passed out...eh. I better turn him on his stomach so he doesn't die.

Tenten just was walking around, dancing and doing the worm.

Kakashi was trying to rap.

'I'm a ninja.

I'm a stealth-stealth-stealthy ninja.

I hop on roofs and read pornographic novels.

Can I get a Ichi Ichi? PARADISE, yo.

I'm out."

Most of the ninjas were passed out...which of course would make our village vulnerable...if Oochimaru wasn't karyoking in the background.

I walked outside, wondering where the heck Kiba went. I wanted to know if he was did crack or not. I wanted to play catch. As I walked, I heard a small giggle.

There was sober Hinata, scratching not-so-sober Kiba's ears. She giggled again as he kissed her cheek. She playfully bopped him on the head with a 'bad doggy',and he calmed down, falling asleep as she scratched his tummy...that looked nice. She looked up and saw me.

"Chou-Chouji-kun!" She stuttered, her cheeks flaming.

"Hey Hinata-chan..." I said, awkwardly waving to her and the sleeping dog beside him.

"Um...um..." She stuttered, I was afraid the blood was rushing to fast to her face, and I was about to say something before Kiba interrupted me.

"Oy, Chouji. Can you keep it down, I'm trying to sleep." He said,completely sober.

I was surprised, it was Hinata who was drunk...maybe that was why she wasn't saying anything.

But-but...that doesn't make any sense. I know Kiba likes Hinata but...that bunny-loving Naruto was the one Hinata liked.

I sighed. I needed a drink.

"Sorry Kiba...Hinata-chan." I left them, Hinata still blushing. I couldn't tell if it was her being intoxicated or if she was actually embarrassed.

I was going to go back into the bar, but I feared my safety and sanity. So I left to go get something to eat. All this thinking sure made me hungry.

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A/N-I wrote this, not knowing what to say. And I tried to keep it light-hearted, but I NEEDED to write HinataxKiba fluff.

Sorry if it ruined it but I thought it was cute.

Read and Review - I hope you enjoyed.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: The Attack on the Pink Haired Whore 

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"Hey, Hinata!" Shouted a young ninja, his cheeky grin beaming at her, as Sakura clung onto Sasuke. "Hey, Kiba! Oooh. Am I interrupting somethin'?" He asked laughing.

Well, he had interrupted Kiba walking Hinata home after another night of training. He had grabbed her hand, because she stumbled. He instantly let go, and shook his head. "Nah. Don't take it seriously. I know who Hinata is after. He better watch out." He joked half-heartedly, as Hinata stayed quite, her face turning pink as she looked at the ground. Her hand hid from view as it squeezed nervously on Kiba's shirt.

Yes. His shirt. He and Hinata had given up wearing their jackets to practice. It was just too hot. Kiba looked damn sexy, at least Sakura noticed. She blushed, pulling away from Sasuke slightly, to check out Kiba with her useless skills.

"Oh, hi Kiba...-kun." She said smiling. Kiba had...grown. His voice was a bit deeper and he was...hot. She shook her head. 'Sasuke-kun is the only one for me!' She repeated over and over again.

Hinata's temple throbbed as she looked at Sakura. 'Pink...haired...trollop.' She thought in disgust as she smiled politely to the other team.

Sasuke just stared, and looked over at Naruto. "Hey. Idiot. I thought you said Kakashi gave you money to buy drinks." Naruto grinned with a 'Yep' and invited Kiba and Hinata to come along. Though, no one knew why Kakashi wanted them to have hangovers in the morning...None the less, they both looked like they came from training.

And it wasn't because Naruto found himself looking at...Hinata's...EYES! Yes. Eyes. He was looking at her eyes...among other things. He sighed. It was because he was a nice guy. He wasn't a perv. He swore to himself never to look at Hinata again...well. Maybe one more time...

So they walked to the bar. First it was Sasuke and then it was Sakura and then Kiba and then Hinata and sadly Naruto was last. Not that he was complaining.

Kiba's brows furrowed as Hinata tripped again, and he grabbed his hand. "Oi...Hinata. You clutz." He noogied her affectionately and continued. Naruto just sighed. 'I didn't see anything...I'm not a perv. I'm not a perv.' He growled lightly, thanking the Ramen God, that he praised and worshiped, that they were finally there.

Sitting down at the table, they just ordered a rather large bottle of sake.

So...they were underaged. Who really cared? It was late. People could care less about a few teen ninjas drinking uncontrolably. As long as it wasn't Lee, they were in no harm.

Kiba eyed Naruto who tried not to leer at Hinata who was popping blood vessels at the salmon colored female who was leering at her Kiba...her best friend. Yes. Best friend. Sasuke was rolling his eyes, suddenly finding this more irritating than amusing.

However, Shino found this amusing as he leered at ALL of them from the corner, taking notes. Somehow, his small, evil chuckle was not heard.

A hour went by. Not much happened. Not until Sakura and Hinata were having a drinking contest, which worried Kiba. He was more worried about Hinata, than the come-on's that Sasuke was giving Naruto.

(At first, it seemed that Kiba was in the clear. He had a drink. One drink. Which made Hinata self-concious, so she had only one drink. The trend infected the whole table because no one wanted to seem foolish.

Sasuke didn't give a damn and chugged another glass. He remained passive. He was a stealthy ninja like that.)

Anyway, back to our fight.

Hinata had snapped. She was fed up with Sakura rubbing her foot against her leg, mistaking it was Kiba's. 'How stupid,' Hinata bitterly thought as she sipped quietly on her glass. 'Kiba never shaved his legs after I told him girls only did that. He stopped, though he sometimes 'joked' how he missed the silky smoothness.' Her smile grew but instantly stopped as Sakura's foot traveled up her pant leg.

"Um...Sakura-chan..." She said meekly, blushing at the mistake. Kiba looked at Hinata, and arched an eyebrow. That was too sweet...too fake. Her smile was forced and her eyes looked angry. Sakura's eyes narrowed as she smirked evily at Hinata.

"Don't be so shy, Hinata-chan. You are among friends." She said with a hint of something. Sarcasm? No. Seductive, alluring voice? Eh. Maybe.

Hinata tried not to laugh...or punch her. She softly kicked Sakura's perverse leg of her own as she poured another drink and began to chug. Half-way through, Hinata smiled that creepy smile as she nodded. "You are right, Sakura-chan. I remember Kiba and I would go out to drinks. He said he was impressed by my ability to hold my liqour." She nodded as she began to chug it.

Sakura's inner ego was restrained as she nodded. "Ah. One of your few talents, Hinata-chan." It sounded so nonchalant that Kiba ignored it, and Naruto and Sasuke were making out...so they ignored it, as well.

Soon, they were at it. They downed more liquor than Kabuto, who was there on 'buisness exchange'. Each one throwing alarming insults.

"Hinata, be careful. You might become more useless than you already are."

"Sakura, your large forehead is showing."

"Quiet, self-concious...weakling!"

"Pink haired WHORE."

"Your father never loved you."

"I never knew my father."

That outburst was from Naruto as he cried on Sasuke's shoulder.

"You can't even see that Kiba-kun has no interest in some salmon...floozy!"

"I don't see Kiba hanging all over you."

"Well, thats because he's respectful."

"Uh-huh. Right. Thats because he can't stand your annoying uselessness."

"OH! Talk about useless. This is coming from the ninja who hasn't done shit to help this village!"

"I've...BEEN TRAINING!"

Kiba was gone. He had to take a whiz. When he got back, he had missed all the insults. Instead he saw Hinata throw sake on Sakura. He tried not to be a pervert. He had only ONE drink. Geez. And no crack. He was in the clear. He couldn't be thinking about...Hinata as Sakura pinned her to the table, pulling her hair!

"Holy shit..." Kiba gasped as he looked at them.

"Creepy, veiny...COW."

"Pointless bitch."

Kiba flinched as Hinata threw Sakura on the floor. He ran a hand through his hair. As arousing as it was, the feeling went away when he saw Naruto and Sasuke leaving the bar, their hands all over each other.

"Oh my fucking God. Why the hell does this happen to me?" He mummbled as he cleaned up around them. He replaced the chairs to their rightful positions, and wiped off the table. He then left and came back with Akamaru. He was a beast, quite big and large. Enough to knock out Sakura with his bad breath and carry her away as Hinata was on the floor...panting. "Geez." He was about to get a very ooc nosebleed, as he drapped her coat on her shoulders and got her on his back.

"Uh...excuse me. Young man...You didn't pay for your sake." The owner said meekly, as he handed him the bill.

"WHAT THE HELL? WE DIDN'T DRINK THIS MUCH!" The angry dog yelled, as he looked over the table. He stared, his mouth open at the large bottles of sake. "Oi. I know we drank alot, but this is ridiculous." He felt a small, timid poke. The owner, trying to be brave also stated that a guy in sunglasses said to put his tab on Kibas' and then one suspicous fellow in round glasses also said the same. "Damn...there goes my brand new...I mean Akamaru's brand new tennis ball." He mummbled as he shelled out all he had. Now, he really was broke.

Walking out the door, Hinata was giggling wildly. "Kiba...I showed that trollop. She was trying to steal you away. But she got what was coming." Her breath against his ear made him tingle.

"I-I am sure you got her good, Hinata."

"Kiba-kun, you-you are acting like me now." She giggled as she hugged his neck softly, as her face was buried in his hair. She inhaled, quite startled...he smelled like oranges.

"Hinata, now you are acting like yourself."

Hinata blushed lightly as she sighed.

"Kiba, which me do you like better?" She asked.

"Well...I like sober Hinata because she acts quite...I dunno." He shrugged with a sheepish grin. "Cute. But then you, you are very...um, affectionate. And then you never remember what happens when you wake up the next morning."

"Ah. I see. Well, Kiba. I will thank you on my other half, for not taking advantage of me."

"I couldn't...even if I wanted to. I would be a rapist or something."

That was all that was said, as Hinata fell asleep on his back. He hurried to her house, not wanting any of the Huuygas to be awake. For his own safety.

He tucked her in, liked he always did.

Though tonight he didn't stay with her.

He left her with a small kiss on the forehead as he left to make sure Sakura got home alright.

Catching up to Akamaru, and confirming that she was safe - the duo left towards the sadistic bug-boy.

He had buisness to take care of.

Revenge was a bitch.

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**AN**-Not my best. And most ooc-ness from Sakura and Hinata. I'm sorry, I hope I didn't offend anyone with my jokes about Sakura or Naruto and Sasuke.

Haha.

Hm. I'm running out of ideas.

If you have a request or anything. Like an actual idea - just post it.

Thank you so much, all my viewers.

I have gotten over 1200 views on my story, and almost 20 reviews.

Its like a dream come true.

Thanks again.

I hope you enjoyed.

R&R


	5. Chapter 5

**The Gang Gets Together For Some Good Ole Drinking.**

By:Guiltshow

_Disclaimer:I don't know? I don't own Naruto or some quotes you may notice as familar.  
_

A/N - Please read this with no seriousness attached. There is a lot of character bashing, so no flames if it is about that.

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"Hey," Naruto said. "You better believe it!"

"Believe what?"

"...Believe it!"

"Believe what?"

Thats how it continued for the rest of the night. Sakura stared as Lee, who had finally went to rehab, was asking a question equivalent to the meaning of life.

"My youth is slow...Believe what, young, fighting ninja?"

"Just believe it!" Naruto said, clearly not knowing why he said that all the time.

Sakura sighed. This was the worst night of her life. She was at a bar, alone with idiots. "Gah! Am I so useless that I can't even be part of the plot anymore?" She wailed.

"You better believe it!" Naruto said out of habit, not wanting to drink any more liqour. One more shot and he would love his bunnies.

Then, all of a sudden, appears...

"WHAT THE -?" They all cried in unison. Itachi was skipping in with Sasuke.

"Brother, look its my best friends!" Sasuke shouted, and twirled. "Look Naruto! Wheeeee! I braided my little ninja forehead protector thingy. YEAH!" Sasuke posed a nice guy pose.

"Sasuke!" Lee zealously cried. "You are so full of Youthfullness!"

"Well, duh. Thats only because I made up with Itachi. Even though he killed off all our family and mentally tortured me - he painted my nails black! So, now we are over that whole 'I hate you thing.'"

"Aw. Brother, come give me a hug!" Itachi said with a squeal. The two embraced as Naruto just stared. He was quite jealous.

"Bunnahs!" He cried, as he chugged a bottle.

Sakura just stared, her eye twitching like it did all the time. 'Hm...maybe my eyetwitching isn't as attractive as I thought it was.' She thought, and then the whole room just let out another - "OH MY GOD!"

Gaara had walked in wearing a dress and set down. He began to drink and Itachi walked up to him.

"You know Gaara, since you have given me a great deal on eyeliner, I would just like to say I know a moisturizer that would work wonders on your skin!"

Gaara's nonexistent eyebrows were arched in interest, as he said a 'Oh, do go on.'

As the two continued to trade tips out of COSMO, Sasuke looked forlorn. "Brother..." He sniffled and slowly patted Naruto's head.

"Bunnahs!"

"Come Naruto, lets go back to the apartment. I want to show you what my Brother has taught me." Sasuke said, grinning.

"Okah dokay!" Naruto said with a grin.

The two left, their placement of hands making all yaoi fans shout 'Hurrah!'.

Gaara was done talking to Itachi and decided that he would buy some Avon from him ONLY if he got 5 off.

Lee was twitching as he tried to not drink.

"Must...not...can not...YOUTH help me!" He sobbed and curled up into a ball.

Sakura was trying not to die when she told Gaara she wasn't interested.

And Itachi was painting his nails an even darker shade of black.

Well, it got pretty boring so Kakashi entered with his new book - "How to be A Fly, White, Ghetto, Wanna-be-Gangsta ninja" book in tow.

"Word up. Holla to ya mother, G-Unit!" He nodded towards Gai, as he walked in with his afro. He never got rid of it, only now the mustache was gone.

"My youthfulness will beat you in this contest, RIVAL!" He coughed and then just began to lean back. "Just lean back...lean back...lean back." Until he leaned to far back and fell.

Chouji walked in and grinned. "GUYS! Hey, I'm on a diet! I'm going to become skinny and finally become...skinny!"

Shikamaru followed with Temari, Ino and Tenten clinging to him. His hands were already twitching. "Heehee..." He grinned.

"What a pimp." Kakashi sighed.

"Tru' dat, m'brotha. Tru' dat." Gai followed the sigh with his own.

Poor Chouji now knew that now one cared and decided to get drunk and gain more weight.

"Is it just me, or are all the people drunk before they actually come in here?" Sakura asked to no one. But no one cared...because she was Sakura.

"Must not drink..." Lee sighed dramatically. "Must...can't..."

"Tenten, you must go." Shikamaru stated bluntly.

"Why, ShikaShika-daddy?"

"Because you have no last name. And because you are not filled with mystery, it shows that no one ever cared to give you a last name. Now go."

"Oh...okay." She giggled and left.

"He's so fly..." Kakashi said with envy.

"Word." Gai-sensei replied, not giving up. You see, Gai didn't need alcohol. He was naturally drunk all the time.

Shino walked in and cackled. "YES! THEY ARE ALL DRUNK! NOW NO ONE WILL EVER REMEMBER ME TAKING HORRIBLY EMBARRASSING PHOTOS!"

"Uh...I'm not drunk." Sakura chimed in.

"Shut up. No one cares about you." Shino replied and began to pull out disposables.

Gaara was sitting on top of a piano and serenading random people.

"L is for the way you look at me..." He sang, as he posed seductively for Shino.

"Everyone is gay." Sakura sighed.

"Did some say my name...dawg?" Gai asked.

Sakura sighed again and didn't know what to do.

Then again...no one cared.

"Hinata...I told you. Hips can't lie because they can't talk." Kiba sighed as they walked into the bar. Poor Kiba knew it was wrong of him to do it. He wanted to turn back but Hinata already was sitting down.

"Ki-Kiba-kun. They can so." Hinata nodded shly yet persistently.

"Hey Kiba, you want some crack?" Shino asked him, as he walked cooly over to the pair.

"Naw...not today. My allergies are acting up." Kiba sneezed on cue and shrugged. "Maybe next week."

"Damn...Now who do I give it to." Shino muttered and looked around. "Hey Lee!"

"Can't...must...not...SPANDEX...YOUTH." He moaned. "OH! THE - Oh hi Shino."

"You want something to increase your youth?" He asked supicously, he slowly opened his jacket. Lee gasped. Shino wore spandex, too!

"Sure thing..." He grabbed the white substance and snorted it. "GO GO POWER RANGERS!" He jumped up and began to role around and acted out poorly done martial arts. "I AM THE CHAMPION OF JUSTICE!"

Shino just cackled and closed his coat before anyone knew his secret.

"On behalf of the moon, I will PUNISH YOU!" Lee spun and pointed at Orochimaru.

"You can punish me anytime." He winked and Lee shrugged. He was use to it.

Kabuto silently wept and changed his glasses for the dark, plastic frames. "Why? Why won't he notice me? Am I not emo enough...or gay enough for him?" Kabuto ran away and cried.

Sakura was about to comment but I decided to delete it.

"Kiba...Kiba...You are so beautiful..TO ME!" Hinata grinned as she drank more. Okay, so maybe he encouraged it. It wasn't like he wasn't drinking. Because, hell, he was.

"Hinata...You take my lungs away!" Kiba batted his eyelashes shyly at her.

"KIBA! Look its a fish!"

"A fish? Where? LETS EAT IT!"

Poor Kisame walked in, looking around for Itachi. "What the fuck? Itachi, don't you inhale that nail polish! I wouldn't want you to be known as the 'Michael Jackson' ninja in Konoha, as well."

"Hehee." Giggle Hinata as she glomped Kisame. "Look a fish!"

"What the -?" Kisame looked down and blinked. "I'm not a fish, I am a walking, talking human shark...man...ninja-thingy!"

"I AM ITACHI! THE BURNINATOR!" Itachi giggled as he began to burn things, starting with his nail polish.

"Oh my fu-" Kisame was cut off by a Kiba looking quite angry.

"Get your shitty hands off of her!" Kiba dove in and began to gnaw at the shark man's shin.

"Here boy." Hinata whistled and pat his head when he came over to her. Shino was expecting him to start humping Hinata's leg, but that moon wasn't there. "Good boy." She smiled down at him.

"Damn."

"Itachi, we must go out and ninja into the night."

"Alllrighty than!" Itachi linked arms with Kisame and left.

"Remember fish are friends, not food!"

Meanwhile...

Lee looked positively high. Shino was doing a cackling contest with Orochimaru.

"Fufufufufu!" The snake sennin cried.

"OHOHOHOHOHOHO!" Shino cackled.

"Oooooh!" The two-dollar whores said in unison as Shikamaru let out a whistle.

"You got served, fool." Kakashi said with all his whiteness.

"Word up...or is word down. CRACKALACKIN'!" Gai desperately tried to keep up.

"Crack? Where?" Lee popped up, and looked around. "Crack...SNAP, CRACKLE, POP!"

Kiba stared...luckily his drunkiness had subsided and he now looked at a clinging Hinata. She was...gulp...clinging to him. She pressed up against him in the most inappropriate places.

"Kiba..." She sighed and looked up at him.

"AH! Ah...Hinata. You need to go home. Lets go!" He squeaked, feeling a cold shower would do wonders right now.

"Okay..." She blinked and smacked his butt. "Lets go!"

But then Kiba passed out ontop of Hinata who was mircalcously back to her old self.

"A-A-ano? Kiba-kun?" She said, blushing like the red toaster Neji had bought. He was quite happy it made toast to be the shape of kunais. Kiba tried to gain consciousness but couldn't and laid there...his face buried in her stomach. She scooted up to the nearest tree, and didn't want to disturb his slumber.

Seeing Lee leave singing 'Sliver Bells' to himself, she decided not to ask for help.

Instead she stayed there with Kiba's brown mane on her lap. She fiddled with his hair as she suddenly had the urge for fish. She blinked, but shrugged it off.

And from that day on many ninjas were featured on Oprah, Dr.Phil, and Jerry Springer.

All was good, because Shino was happy selling crack.

Gaara and Itachi killed Mary Kay and took over her business.

Naruto found out why the word 'uke' was part of Sasuke's name.

Lee had become a crack addict, and had to go into rehab once again.

Chouji became the next spoke's person for Weight Watchers.

Shikamaru was still a pimp, and eventually let Tenten back in. Her last name is 'Make Me A Sandwich, Ho'; She thought it was Swedish.

Kakashi eventually was shot, but he's a ninja so it didn't matter.

Gai was eventually...well. He stayed the same.

Sakura got hit by a bus, but then again, no one cares.

Orochimaru ended up becoming a mime, after being shunned and horribly served.

Kabuto was part of an emo band.

Kiba and Hinata got drunk every night, and both confessed their love. Not that this matters, because none of them remembered it.

And so concludes "Just A Few Drinks";

As the person who wrote it, I would like to thank all reviewers. Just make sure to check up on this once and a while - I might add more when I get past my writer's block.


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